I'm sick of moping. I'm sick of feeling depressed. I'm sick of depending on you. I'm tired of thinking about the past. And yet, here I am again, thinking about how you've already replaced me with someone else.
I'm done feeling angry. I just try not to think about it anymore. I am trying to change my mind about some things; dependency on love to be happy, the thought of everlasting love, the failure of losing a girl. I'm trying to find my life goal, though it just feels like a very long song played on repeat. And I'm tired of the song as well.
Writing in English because it would only sound silly in Dutch. Writing in English because whining in English seems less stupid than whining in Dutch. Thinking about different ways to kill myself temporary without sounding suicidal.
And at the same time I keep repeating the same sentences over and over again. I can do this without you. I can do this without you. I can do this without you. I can survive everything. Even you.
The brain is a stupid muscle. It is filled by silly fantasies. Fantasies about how great you really are, fantasies about how, in the end, you'll figure out I could be good for you. Fantasies about how life could be.
Repeating over and over and over again. Repeating the song in my head. I should change the song, but I can't find the buttons. Maybe the buttons are destroyed and I'll stay in the same deadend job with the same deadend problems in my own deadend life. But then again, that last one always leads to a deadend.
I wish I could hate you. I really wish I could hate you. I wish I could hate a lot of people. But I only have fantasies.